okay so I know there’s a few people on here who know me irl and before I start this can I please trust you not to show/tell anyone about what I’m gonna say. I don’t even know why I’m doing this, I just am okay, unfollow if you want I really don’t care.
I’ve been cutting for a couple of years now and to be honest, I’m tired of the constant fear and secret hope of cutting just that little bit too deep. A few nights ago, I was really angry and lonely and sad and just generally feeling shit so I cut, but these ones were deep.. really deep. And for a minute, I thought I’d actually killed myself - and I’ve never been so scared in my life. I thought about the family I was never going to have, family weddings I’ll miss, watching my brothers grow up and have their own families, everything I thought I was going to miss, I thought about.
And I hated myself in that instant… not the same kind of hate as I felt before, but a new one, because I hadn’t appreciated and had thrown away everything I had.
The truth is, I didn’t appreciate life until I thought mine was ending (luckily for me, for some reason, the bleeding stopped, and honestly I don’t know why. I just bandaged myself up and went to bed) but the thing that scares me is I could have died, and then what would it have been worth? That new found appreciation for life?
I guess I’m writing this to try and encourage people to do what I didn’t do, and appreciate their life before it’s too late.
Idk, I know this probably didn’t make much sense, but I felt like writing it, so…
p.s. if anyone needs it, I’ll always be here to talk about anything